Accepting both pain and pleasure from the same man

Writing my third medieval spanking romance, provisionally titled 'Eyes like a hawk', I've come up against the standard paradox of a woman being able to make love to the same man who gives her serious disciplinary spankings. In the case of my medieval heroine, there's no problem: she gets a thrill from it being her husband and lover who administers physical punishments in person, and she also gets pleasure from sensing that this same person is holding back on his strength when they make love.

Maybe modern women should find life as simple as that, but I think that many of them don't or can't.

There's absolutely no contradiction between lovemaking and erotic spanking which can even be quite severe and painful and still be labelled erotic. But there's a potential problem in a woman being given a harsh and humiliating disciplinary spanking and being expected to turn around either immediately or later and offer genuine affection to her punisher.

Many women do manage to straddle that very dichotomy. It would appear to be a mixture of trust, and belief in the harmony which the punishment engenders, that makes them able to welcome the discipline and have the same or even higher regard for the one who meted it out.

My partner, who's quite capable of being angry with me, doesn't use spankings in this context. I sometimes wish he would, but that's another story. I just remember when I got spanked as a child that the emotions I felt during and afterwards were about as negative as they could possibly have been. I'd have cheerfully watched my parents die in agony in a crocodile-infested river or similar, and certainly wouldn't kiss them goodnight except if not to do so would have incurred further wrath.

What has to happen for childish rebellion to turn into womanly submission?

There seems to be a mixture of elements. The first may be a genetic predisposition to find a mate who is stronger physically and/or morally and who is prepared to take action to remain in the leading position. The second is the transfer and focussing of girlish hero-worship. The third is a naturally self-subordinating (even, dare I say it, masochistic) sex drive.

A simplistic view, I'm sure, but a start.